Love.

Why the hell did I fall in love. I didn't want to. I was content being a lone wolf. And here I am, seriously planning and fulling meaning to carry out my intentions towards this woman. I need to improve, vastly. She's the most brilliant woman I've ever met and she's enamoured of me, and i can't figure out why. it just blows my mind every time I think about it. I can't help but feel, good. It's not that I'm unaccustomed to happyness, it's just unexpected, my life is in such a cramp right now, the last thing I was expecting was help. I feel lost, but atleast I know where I want to go for a change... A combination of Love, Zen and Music kinda gave me the answer I needed I guess:

Safe in the light that surrounds me,
Free of the fear and the pain,
My questioning mind, has helped me to find,
The meaning in my life again.

She is real, I finally feel,
A link to the girl in my dreams,

And now that I'm here,
It's perfectly clear,
I found out what all of this means.

If I died tomorrow,
I'd be alright,
Because I belive,
That after we're gone,
The spirit carries on.

~ Dream Theater.


I don't know if thats my saving grace, or my opium that is hope, but for now, my heart needs healing and if I've gotta drug my mind a bit to get it sewn back together, well I guess thats the road I'll take. I've got her, now I have to earn the priviliage of keeping her. After that who knows, I'll post something about it when I figure it out.