My Vacation.
Finally have a bit of time to reflect on my experiance. I miss that feeling of being fulfilled so much it hurts. I feel empty inside - but atleast I'm feeling - and that means I'm awake, aware and alive. I fell in love, learned about life, saw new things and learned about a whole other way of life. One that I enjoy dearly.
It was so breath taking. Amazing. I don't know where to start.
The day I got to the air port I wasn't really as nervous as I thought I would be. It took a while to get my luggage, but when I got past the security check point and headed outside.... she jumped... like 2 feet in the air. I'd never had anyone so happy to see me in my entire life I was just like "Thats gotta be here... she's jumping... waving.. smiling.. o0 wow!" and then I got on the side walk and she came running at me and gave me the biggest hug I'd ever had in my life up to that point. o0 I was like "THIS IS THE ONE!" o0
Then I met her mom, her dad, and we drove to Old San Jaun. We walked around for a while. I got a history lesson or two and then they ate at a sandwhich shop. Then we drove to her home. Her home in Bayamon wasn't at all what I thought it would be - it was a 3 room home with 2 bathrooms and a small patio in back. It was the coziest place I've ever been in my life. We sat around and talked for a while, and I got my stuff situated for what would be the best week of my life to date.
We stayed up pretty late that night talking. I talked with Waldo, Karla's Father, and Griselle her Mother for hours. We hit it off pretty well, laughed a lot - and had many of the same ideas and attitudes. I was pleased. I felt like I had a second home. I did too - it was amazing how openly they let me in to their home they weren't nervous or shy or anything it was weird. Still I couldn't shake the awkward feeling. I never knew what having a family full of warmth and care felt like... I had this nervousness creeping through me the whole time. It shook off the next day though.
When I woke up the next day it was like I was 7 years old again, breakfeast was being cooked and hte most adorible sleepy Karla in pj's was yawning walking down the hall way.. o0 I wanted to cry. We got up and talked. I picked up the classical g uitar and started playing and then Waldo decided he was gonna give me a lesson. I was so incredibly thankful for that. He gave me this sheet of information. I swear to god - once you know your chords - this sheet is like the holy grail of guitar knowledge - well just musical knowledge, but for the guitarist it comes in incredibly handy. I was like "THANK YOU!!! THE ANSWERS!!!" And now I practice my ass off hoping that the next time I meet the waldo I won't be so crappy a guitarist.
It's been a week since the vacation and things are getting blurry, only the most important and vivid things stand out, and I can't remember every detail. I suppose that's as it should be though. I remember two quotes from my favorite movie - The Crow. "Little things always used to mean so much to Shelly - things that I'd thought were kind of trivial. Trust me, nothing is trivial..." and then again at the end of the movie where the interview with Brandon Lee is played where he quotes someone else whom I can't remember the name of. The quote goes, "Because we do not know when we will die, we think of life as an inexhaustable well." He then went on to say, though I don't know if this is still from his source as he was quoting; "And yet everything happens a certain number of times, and very small number really. How many more times will you remember an afternoon of your childhood thats so deeply a part of your being you couldn't think of life with out it? How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps, 20 - and yet it all seems limitless."
It's funny that those to quotes come to mind. I'll never be able to think of my life with out this vacation in it... but I've forgotten so much of it already. The things that I really remember? My first day there when I met her at the air port. The first kiss in the park. The walk infront of El Morro, making out on the grass. Helping her down the rocks afterward. The day I told her I loved her. Meeting Waldo's friends in a bohemian get to gether. Meeting her extended family, holding her asleep in my lap on the way home. The waterfall in El Yunce and the ride home sleeping shoulder on shoulder with her... Our last night in Old San Jaun, walking through the city, kissing, feeding pidgeons, laughing, making out on the point bench for hours... Shopping for computer parts for her computer.
It was such a wonderful wonderful time, and all I have are pictures to remember her by. Well not really. I have her. ^_^ I'm moving soon to be near her, even though it's proving to be an uphill battle getting the finances in order. It's worth it though. I'll be happier there thats for sure. I can't stand utah.
At anyrate, I wrote a song about the whole thing. The introduction is pretty somber and forboding, but it clears up. I'd equate it to my search to find myself, trying to find my way through the dark. Making mistakes and failing, feeling vuenerable and off balance. As things go on it starts to pull itself out, and a genuine sense of understanding and progress happens. Then it gets very upbeat and triumphant - I figured out what it was I needed, what I wanted, where I was, what I had to do to get where I wanted to be - as well as recognizing the path I'd come. I named the song "Look Up" - after the advice my darling Raven haired girl, Karla, gave to me.
The second time we went to old San Jaun I took pictures of the land scape like crazy. I was pointing a tiny section of the landscape that I thought was so beautiful and I highlighted it for her with my hand on the horizon and then she grabbed my head and pulled me back some and batted my hands down and said two words "Look Up!" and highlighted the whole scene with her arm. - I realized then she knew the right answer and that I while I wasn't wrong to look at something, there was soooo much more there than what I'd been aiming to find. My reason for looking was so incredibly short sighted and it was gut wrenching when i realized just how narrowly I viewed the world.
When it was all said and done and I needed a title for that song, those words came ringing through like a golden arrow from heaven and it hit me right in the heart. I've decided that if there was one thing in the world that was true - it was what she examplified that day. She knows how to live, and I have soooo much work to do to catch up to her. It's funny that I had to wait 5 years to date her, and now I'm dramatically behind her already! *l*
All in all though... it was a magical trip. There were so many elements that will season my mind for many years to come from this trip, and I'll never forget them. Some what saddening is the knowledge that it will eventually fade from memory, and I'll have nothing but a picture to remind myself about it, and at some point even the pictures may do no good. Fortunately though there is one element of this trip that will remain strong and vibrant through out my life time and well into the next - and that is her. I love her dearly and will do everything it takes to keep her in my life.
I remember yesterday or the day before we were talking about De Ja Vu, and dreams, past life times and the eternity of living and existance. About the soles and the generations of life that we've lived already... I know she's my soul mate, I know that she'll be the one for me through out time and eternity... and I know why I love her. Words, not even zen, could explain this, even though it's largely a zen principle. It's funny, but theres no point in worrying about it. We're bodhisattvas and lovin it ^_~.
Anyhow. I'm going to work on our song some more. Karla - If you're at Ari's house and you're reading this. I love you. ^_^
It was so breath taking. Amazing. I don't know where to start.
The day I got to the air port I wasn't really as nervous as I thought I would be. It took a while to get my luggage, but when I got past the security check point and headed outside.... she jumped... like 2 feet in the air. I'd never had anyone so happy to see me in my entire life I was just like "Thats gotta be here... she's jumping... waving.. smiling.. o0 wow!" and then I got on the side walk and she came running at me and gave me the biggest hug I'd ever had in my life up to that point. o0 I was like "THIS IS THE ONE!" o0
Then I met her mom, her dad, and we drove to Old San Jaun. We walked around for a while. I got a history lesson or two and then they ate at a sandwhich shop. Then we drove to her home. Her home in Bayamon wasn't at all what I thought it would be - it was a 3 room home with 2 bathrooms and a small patio in back. It was the coziest place I've ever been in my life. We sat around and talked for a while, and I got my stuff situated for what would be the best week of my life to date.
We stayed up pretty late that night talking. I talked with Waldo, Karla's Father, and Griselle her Mother for hours. We hit it off pretty well, laughed a lot - and had many of the same ideas and attitudes. I was pleased. I felt like I had a second home. I did too - it was amazing how openly they let me in to their home they weren't nervous or shy or anything it was weird. Still I couldn't shake the awkward feeling. I never knew what having a family full of warmth and care felt like... I had this nervousness creeping through me the whole time. It shook off the next day though.
When I woke up the next day it was like I was 7 years old again, breakfeast was being cooked and hte most adorible sleepy Karla in pj's was yawning walking down the hall way.. o0 I wanted to cry. We got up and talked. I picked up the classical g uitar and started playing and then Waldo decided he was gonna give me a lesson. I was so incredibly thankful for that. He gave me this sheet of information. I swear to god - once you know your chords - this sheet is like the holy grail of guitar knowledge - well just musical knowledge, but for the guitarist it comes in incredibly handy. I was like "THANK YOU!!! THE ANSWERS!!!" And now I practice my ass off hoping that the next time I meet the waldo I won't be so crappy a guitarist.
It's been a week since the vacation and things are getting blurry, only the most important and vivid things stand out, and I can't remember every detail. I suppose that's as it should be though. I remember two quotes from my favorite movie - The Crow. "Little things always used to mean so much to Shelly - things that I'd thought were kind of trivial. Trust me, nothing is trivial..." and then again at the end of the movie where the interview with Brandon Lee is played where he quotes someone else whom I can't remember the name of. The quote goes, "Because we do not know when we will die, we think of life as an inexhaustable well." He then went on to say, though I don't know if this is still from his source as he was quoting; "And yet everything happens a certain number of times, and very small number really. How many more times will you remember an afternoon of your childhood thats so deeply a part of your being you couldn't think of life with out it? How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps, 20 - and yet it all seems limitless."
It's funny that those to quotes come to mind. I'll never be able to think of my life with out this vacation in it... but I've forgotten so much of it already. The things that I really remember? My first day there when I met her at the air port. The first kiss in the park. The walk infront of El Morro, making out on the grass. Helping her down the rocks afterward. The day I told her I loved her. Meeting Waldo's friends in a bohemian get to gether. Meeting her extended family, holding her asleep in my lap on the way home. The waterfall in El Yunce and the ride home sleeping shoulder on shoulder with her... Our last night in Old San Jaun, walking through the city, kissing, feeding pidgeons, laughing, making out on the point bench for hours... Shopping for computer parts for her computer.
It was such a wonderful wonderful time, and all I have are pictures to remember her by. Well not really. I have her. ^_^ I'm moving soon to be near her, even though it's proving to be an uphill battle getting the finances in order. It's worth it though. I'll be happier there thats for sure. I can't stand utah.
At anyrate, I wrote a song about the whole thing. The introduction is pretty somber and forboding, but it clears up. I'd equate it to my search to find myself, trying to find my way through the dark. Making mistakes and failing, feeling vuenerable and off balance. As things go on it starts to pull itself out, and a genuine sense of understanding and progress happens. Then it gets very upbeat and triumphant - I figured out what it was I needed, what I wanted, where I was, what I had to do to get where I wanted to be - as well as recognizing the path I'd come. I named the song "Look Up" - after the advice my darling Raven haired girl, Karla, gave to me.
The second time we went to old San Jaun I took pictures of the land scape like crazy. I was pointing a tiny section of the landscape that I thought was so beautiful and I highlighted it for her with my hand on the horizon and then she grabbed my head and pulled me back some and batted my hands down and said two words "Look Up!" and highlighted the whole scene with her arm. - I realized then she knew the right answer and that I while I wasn't wrong to look at something, there was soooo much more there than what I'd been aiming to find. My reason for looking was so incredibly short sighted and it was gut wrenching when i realized just how narrowly I viewed the world.
When it was all said and done and I needed a title for that song, those words came ringing through like a golden arrow from heaven and it hit me right in the heart. I've decided that if there was one thing in the world that was true - it was what she examplified that day. She knows how to live, and I have soooo much work to do to catch up to her. It's funny that I had to wait 5 years to date her, and now I'm dramatically behind her already! *l*
All in all though... it was a magical trip. There were so many elements that will season my mind for many years to come from this trip, and I'll never forget them. Some what saddening is the knowledge that it will eventually fade from memory, and I'll have nothing but a picture to remind myself about it, and at some point even the pictures may do no good. Fortunately though there is one element of this trip that will remain strong and vibrant through out my life time and well into the next - and that is her. I love her dearly and will do everything it takes to keep her in my life.
I remember yesterday or the day before we were talking about De Ja Vu, and dreams, past life times and the eternity of living and existance. About the soles and the generations of life that we've lived already... I know she's my soul mate, I know that she'll be the one for me through out time and eternity... and I know why I love her. Words, not even zen, could explain this, even though it's largely a zen principle. It's funny, but theres no point in worrying about it. We're bodhisattvas and lovin it ^_~.
Anyhow. I'm going to work on our song some more. Karla - If you're at Ari's house and you're reading this. I love you. ^_^
posted by Renge at 8/02/2003 09:01:00 AM
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