Compatibility

So it sucks not having a girlfriend anymore. It's not a feeling I'm unaccostomed too though, I've spent the majority of my life alone, I can cope well. But curious as I am, I can't help but wonder what the next one will be like. As I thought about it, I realized Karla and I never really fit well. We tried. God we tried. And tried hard too. But, when I thought it out, boiled it down, and really looked at it, we had two things. Feelings, and friendship. Two very important things. But in my view now, I realize that much isn't enough to put the right amount of wind in the sails. Or is it? It wasn't for me. My life is faster paced than hers, I'm always on the go. For her, the gentle serene moments were sacred. To me they felt like life was on pause. Romantic as I can be, charming as I am, and devilishly sauve as I'm not, I felt like I was living life in a hamster wheel. All the effort, none of the progress.

Then today while cruising through a personals website, just kinda feeling out what people were really like, I realized something. Almost every single one of these goddamned sites has a personality compatability tester. So, I registered, took the tests, and then registered again, and filled it out based on my observations of Karla.

Funny thing about compatability, opposites attract best, and the more extreme the opposition the better. So I found out that I'm a Idealistic Philosopher/Wheeler-and-Dealer. Karla is a mystic writer/craftswoman. Not compatible. Karla is a scropio, I'm a gemini. 2 outta 5 stars, thats not even a D-. I was shocked.

But, I thought about it. We are very very different. After a while I was just banging my head on the desk going "duh!!!". So then I looked to the chinese Zodiac. I'm a Rooster. Compatible with Oxen and Serpants. Karla? Not an ox, or a snake.

So then I went to the Kersey personality type test. I came up as an Extraverted, Intuitave, Thinking Preceiver - type cast as a Guardian/Protector. Curiously enough my name William - means The Determained Protector/Guardian. Curiously enough again, my middle name means the provider/prosperous business man - Edward. And lastly, my last name Gray means Sage/Wiseman.

William Edward Gray III. o0 If ever there an aptly named man, it was me. ^_^

So I thought about it, good long and hard, like a stiff schardine and I came two a few conclusions.

One. We were supposed to be friends, not lovers. Worst parts over I guess. Still though, it was fun.

Two. I'm supposed to have someone a bit more lively, someone who can keep up with me, on land sea and air.

Three. I have a lot of work to do on myself to get where I'd like to be in life. Out of all my possible occupations from a businessman to a Trama surgeon to a military man to a teacher I think that money should be the focus of work, so screw the glory, I'm puttin on a three piece suit, and I'm not lookin back. I can still tend to cuts and scrapes, tend to my childrens learning and protect them all the same. It all makes sense now. The big thing i have to do is master my decision making process and stick with them. I have to develope a way to stop second guessing myself. I've always known that I had the capacity for greatness. I've always known my life would end on a positave note, and I've always known that it would have it's ups and downs.

Now I know why. Life styles, just like people, need to be compatible with that persons personality.

Funny. I used to think as long as you wanted it, you could be happy with something. Buddha strikes again, want bad, need good. Strange though, everything you need winds up being what you want once you realize what you thought you wanted isn't what you needed.