Reflections

I've spoken with Karla everyday since I got back from Puerto Rico, and again since I arrived in Florida. I miss her so much it's perhaps unhealthy. My dependance upon her presence in my life is unmistakbly irreversible and undeniable. Most would say this is going to far, but I'd say that there are perhaps too few who ever dared try it, and of that minority, the vast majority did not understand love. I do not know what the future holds, I don't worry about finding out; what ever happens, happens.

Regardless of planning, of preperation, of attention, of diligence, and vigilance, people will continually fail at one thing or another, no matter how hard or how long they have practiced. I make mistakes daily, if i did not life would not only be complete, life would be pretty damn dull. Love is perhaps the quintesential delusion, in which you think one person caught in a dream cares for you just as much as you want to think you care about them.

However, this is the laymans view of love, something external and tangible - as if joy were some sort of stream lined blanket of spandex that you could slink into, and forget about it, while you behaved the exact same way you did before, just "with love" - much in the same manner every time I turn on a TV or see a bottle of laundry detergent on a shelf in the store the words "new color safe bleaching action" always seem to be tucked in a cornern on some shiney little lable that millions of people will buy into simply because they were "told so".

Love, is perhaps a similar proposistion, in that yes there is bleach, and it is color safe, but it's not some blanket policy that suits every fabric everytime in every situtation - Love - True Love, is far more precise. Not in that theres some special kind of bleach, but that someone, somewhere, for a very specific reason, added that amount of bleach to the detergent to perform a specific function, and does it in just the right armount and in the right circumstances, and only when time merits that it is to be done so - it's not quite so universal a concept as gravity, or night and day- although there certainly are elements of Love that do share those eternal traits.

But as I reflect on what I know, what I've known, and walk into the present moment carving my future a day at a time, Love seems to be the only true constant among all the imperminant things I face day to day. So as I reflect upon my dearest Karla, and call her each day, the present moment remains golden, but the comets tail is always in view, and is always beautiful - just like the ionic tail that you can only see with a radio telescope... the blue tail with a black backdrop.

I love you, Karla, and I always will.