Well, the vacation is booked, I leave the 23rd, and come back the 31st. I'm diabolical. I just can't wait to get there. I hope the next two weeks fly by quickly. Listening now to some Vai, Man I love steve vais music. I wish I could put words as to why that would do it some justice but I just can't. I do know however that Steve Vai's Music will forever be a part of how I preceive the world. There's a great deal to be learned from his music on many many levels and no matter how much I try I can never seem to quite understand him. I know what I think of him, but like myself, I get the feeling that he's still working on "it" - or himself.
Hand on heart. Man I love it. Makes me think of Karla, and the comming vacation. It's the that rope that saves your ASS when things are bad, the pillow when you really need a good nights sleep. It's the smooth ride down the highway holding a special someones hand, that brilliant sunrize where you feel alive and revived. For me it's the culmination of all things pleasant, blissful and meaningful. It's the pineapple I'm eating now. Man it's good. ;_;
I dunno, I've come to terms what who and what I am. Took my time getting there, but thats fine *l* least I know. I'm comming to terms more and more with what it means to write music, what it means to compose music, what it means to earn a living, as opposed to go to work. Suddenly the pressure to pay bills, be a success, build a life and so on and so fourth - it's just not a big deal anymore. I've learned what it means to shift my financial perspective, my mental perspective and my physical perspective. I'm just not affraid to wait in line and say "I want this" and I'm not affraid to correct people when they fuck it up.
Hair cuts are a -perfect- example. I've never had a hair cut I liked. Ever. I've always been afraid to tell the person "no no, not like that" - I didn't want to hurt their feelings. I didn't want to be scolded with the "i'm a professional" bit, and I didn't wanna startle someone else and have them fuck up. As a result I've had the same shitty hair cut for the vast majority of my life and guess what - IT SUCKS.
Next hair cut I get I'm gonna be like "you will OBEY" when I tell em what I want *l*.
Similarly though, with work I'm not afraid to sit there and take the innitiatve any more and just fuckin deal with shit in stead of going "hey boss, mind if I send this guy some strings?" I've been there long enough to know what we can and can't deal with - and lately I've noticed that it doesn't matter what I do anyhow, I might as well do something.
Taking it a step further again - getting farther out of the hood of the car with all these personal adjustments I've been making - There are somethings I'm going to start doing regularly. I'm going to assign the two hours before I go to bed for zazen. I'm going to print off a bunch of things to remember to do and tape them through out my desk and home and start dealing with them as they happen. For example when I'm done cooking I'm going to put a sign over the sink that says "DO THE DISHES BEFORE YOU EAT" and another one on the computer that says "DID YOU DO THE DISHES?" - and like wise for work. Except for work I'll make a single solitary list on a clip board and go that way.
When I return from vacation I'm going to search for a new place to live, some place with climate control, a real, 10 foot ceiling, and a decent fridge/freezer. I'm hoping to rent that place in Kaysville. I'm also going to fix up the celebrity, and when it is running again, I'm going to put the neon up for sail - I don't need that 250/mo expense anymore - 80 was fine and the bennefit of that car over the celebrity was pretty minimal to begin with - I was just eager to have something new, and I now realize that it simply doesn't matter. Cars are not forever.
So when i get back I'll be getting a calender, a planner, breif case, working on my wardrobe, and depending on how things go with Karla, welll... ^_^ lets just say i may take steps to make that relationship a bit more concrete, from friends, to good friends, to "more than just good friends" to "dating". Time will tell, but I have a pretty good idea about how it'll turn out.
Anyhow, I'm gonna go, need to see if band practice is happening. If not, I'm gonna go bug jeff for a while. Later world.
Hand on heart. Man I love it. Makes me think of Karla, and the comming vacation. It's the that rope that saves your ASS when things are bad, the pillow when you really need a good nights sleep. It's the smooth ride down the highway holding a special someones hand, that brilliant sunrize where you feel alive and revived. For me it's the culmination of all things pleasant, blissful and meaningful. It's the pineapple I'm eating now. Man it's good. ;_;
I dunno, I've come to terms what who and what I am. Took my time getting there, but thats fine *l* least I know. I'm comming to terms more and more with what it means to write music, what it means to compose music, what it means to earn a living, as opposed to go to work. Suddenly the pressure to pay bills, be a success, build a life and so on and so fourth - it's just not a big deal anymore. I've learned what it means to shift my financial perspective, my mental perspective and my physical perspective. I'm just not affraid to wait in line and say "I want this" and I'm not affraid to correct people when they fuck it up.
Hair cuts are a -perfect- example. I've never had a hair cut I liked. Ever. I've always been afraid to tell the person "no no, not like that" - I didn't want to hurt their feelings. I didn't want to be scolded with the "i'm a professional" bit, and I didn't wanna startle someone else and have them fuck up. As a result I've had the same shitty hair cut for the vast majority of my life and guess what - IT SUCKS.
Next hair cut I get I'm gonna be like "you will OBEY" when I tell em what I want *l*.
Similarly though, with work I'm not afraid to sit there and take the innitiatve any more and just fuckin deal with shit in stead of going "hey boss, mind if I send this guy some strings?" I've been there long enough to know what we can and can't deal with - and lately I've noticed that it doesn't matter what I do anyhow, I might as well do something.
Taking it a step further again - getting farther out of the hood of the car with all these personal adjustments I've been making - There are somethings I'm going to start doing regularly. I'm going to assign the two hours before I go to bed for zazen. I'm going to print off a bunch of things to remember to do and tape them through out my desk and home and start dealing with them as they happen. For example when I'm done cooking I'm going to put a sign over the sink that says "DO THE DISHES BEFORE YOU EAT" and another one on the computer that says "DID YOU DO THE DISHES?" - and like wise for work. Except for work I'll make a single solitary list on a clip board and go that way.
When I return from vacation I'm going to search for a new place to live, some place with climate control, a real, 10 foot ceiling, and a decent fridge/freezer. I'm hoping to rent that place in Kaysville. I'm also going to fix up the celebrity, and when it is running again, I'm going to put the neon up for sail - I don't need that 250/mo expense anymore - 80 was fine and the bennefit of that car over the celebrity was pretty minimal to begin with - I was just eager to have something new, and I now realize that it simply doesn't matter. Cars are not forever.
So when i get back I'll be getting a calender, a planner, breif case, working on my wardrobe, and depending on how things go with Karla, welll... ^_^ lets just say i may take steps to make that relationship a bit more concrete, from friends, to good friends, to "more than just good friends" to "dating". Time will tell, but I have a pretty good idea about how it'll turn out.
Anyhow, I'm gonna go, need to see if band practice is happening. If not, I'm gonna go bug jeff for a while. Later world.
posted by Renge at 7/10/2003 05:26:00 PM
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