Another good day so far. I've learned that keeping this damned blog makes me alot more disciplined in my personal view of the world around me. The more I reference back to myself the more I can see if I progress or not. I'm able to better decifer whether or not change is happening, or not - or whether it's necesscary to whats happening at the time. Sometimes just trudging through something is the best route - all the shit washes off at the end of the day anyhow right?

So I was trolling through my dream theater CD's and I made a mix of tunes I knew I enjoys listening to - so I slapped it on and showered. For some reason, I was able to hear the lyrics to one of the songs better than before. Curious to see if I'd heard it right or not I checked a lyric search engine and I was pretty close.

The song is Innocence Faded, from the "Awake" albumn. Awesome tune.

Animation
breathes a cloudless mind
Fascination
leaves the doubting blind
Until the circle breaks and wisdom lies ahead
the faithful live Awake
the rest remain misled

Some will transcend spinning years
One as if time disappears

Innocence faded
the mirror falls behind you
Trinity jaded
I break down walls to find you

Callow and vain
fixed like a fossil, shrouding pain
Passionless stage
Distant like brothers
Wearing apathetic displays
Sharing flesh like envy in cages
Condescending
Not intending to end

Some will transcend spinning years
One as if time disappears

Innocence faded
the mirror falls behind you
Trinity jaded
I break down walls to find you

Beginnings get complicated
the farther we progress
Opinions are calculated
Immune to openness

Beyond the circle's edge
We're driven by her blessings
Forever hesitating
Caught beneath the wheel

Innocence faded
the mirror falls behind you
Cynically jaded
The child will crawl to find you.



I listened to it a few times in a row and realized that I just now finished the exact scenearo that this song describes and I noticed further that Karla is about half way through that as well. She's movin alot faster than I ever did though. I dunno, it's not life changing for me - not any more - but i certainly do appreaciate that freak coincidence that this brought to me, especially after a pretty lengthy chat today with Karla.

It also put Jeff into a much greater light when I thought about it. Last night I helped him baby sit and the fuck bean was talkin about buying MAGIC CARDS. I about fell through the roof. He was talkin about spending like 40 - 100 bucks on GAME CARDS. I wanted to -strangle- him. He's got a car loan to pay off - and I finally found out where that came from and how he got himself wrapped up in that mess... I can't believe he did it, but fuck if I care now - he can deal with his shit. It just floored me though. Here was money he fully intended to piss away on petty shit like GAMES when he could slap that 40 bucks on a bill and make his life easier - he's got plenty of damned cards anyhow. Also, he could just fuckin sell the few hundred dollars worth of cards he's got now anyhow and fix his problems better.

I'm trying not to judge him though, I moved to michigan for a girlfriend once. Oh well. ON the bright side, atleast he's miserable. I konw that sounds malicious, but really, he had all the chances in the world to -not- feel miserable and passed up on them. Now he's in a shitty relationship that he can't easily get out of with out accepting who and what he is on the inside - and it'd be impossible for him to retain his mind as it is now - he'll feel like shit for a long time if he does break out of this, and he'll be miserable if he stays with it - atleast for a few years to come anyhow.

Still though, I feel bad for him. Part of me says it's my fault for not breaking those two up sooner, or atleast not trying. But fuck that too, his life, his consiquences. Anyhow. I'm gonna go get a nap in before work. Peace out world.