A new start.

Setting aside want from need is never easy but at long last I want to deal with my needs. It's a mind numbing experiance, confronting your past. All of the stupid things I've done are now on a long list of things to rectify. Step one, master my home life, or atleast attain some level of proficency. My family has always lacked discipline. My experiance in Florida has shown me the strength in myself that I always knew I had. I just never had the chance to use that strength. Now with my father and I on closer to equal terms it's easier to be the leader in the family. With his knees being replaced and my own life advancing it seems he's begun to recognize that I'm the next him. My ambition towards his home have taken him aback.

Since I've been home in Utah, going on a week, I've pulled two stumps, mowed the lawn, laid plans for a chain link fence, and pruned one huge fuckin bean tree. With plans to demolish the shed, garage and green house, rebuild them and through a zen/vegetable garden into the mix... well - he's enthusiastic.

Having already found the next shitty phone-jockey job work was easy to attain thanks to experiance, so now debt attention is the focus of my finances. After that it's all about tuition. It's going to be interesting here in logan, but I have many things to do in these comming years, most of which will allow me to become more genuine of character. I am eager.

Emotionally I'm still in withdrawl, I miss Karla. For me I'm able to deal with it, but I still fell it. I don't expect I'll be heading into any long term relationships any time soon though. The wings need to rest before I take to the sky again. Besides, I'll have next to no time for it anyhow.

Mentally I remain alert and focused, much more calm. The focus has zoomed out quite abit though, the details are less important. Still, I enjoy the small things.

At anyrate, life has become more serious, so I'm taking it more serious, but less seriously than I've taken life so far. The irony.